Heh. I actually pointed out to them that I had won the tug-of-war.
Their response? "Yeah, but you're GAAAAAAY!"

I think, upon reflection, that it shows that who-fucks-who is really not much of a social issue, but effeminacy is still very threatening. If I'd been walking around in a straight man's t-shirt, with no earrings and a long pony-tail (which all of the other men there were wearing, and which therefore in that cultural context would be a strong heterosexual sexual signifier), and I'd mentioned to someone that I was gay, I expect I would've gotten no reaction other than "Man, you're gay? How weird."

To poke at it from another direction, so to speak, I think I may have been tapping into the same deep well of discomfort and uncertainty that made the berdache so commonly fulfill a shaman role in traditional Native American culture. There's a power, a fascination, in people who violate our dichotomous assumptions about gender, and I think that may have been behind a lot of the strength and violence of their reactions.

Openly gay? I think there would have been far less foofaraw.

Regarding the 5'4" part of the question, though--yes, I'd have been afraid. It was comforting, knowing that if they did get physical (and some of the kids did, at various times, move their aggression to a physical level) in any serious way, I could take all twelve of them comfortably. But I think more of that comfort came from the experience and ruthlessness of age than from sheer physical size. "Old age and treachery will always defeat youth and skill," as they say. Were I 5'4", I assure you I would by this time have picked up the self-defense skills to be at least as safe as I am in this reality. And having my ass handed to me recently by a 5'3" lightly built female friend convinces me that this is entirely possible.

Thank you for your comments, especially the self-revelatory and historical ones. Your life when you were the age I am now holds an almost endless fascination for me, particularly as it is in many ways one of the lives I wish I could lead (but which Deirdre and other responsibilities preclude for me). I encourage you to continue sharing; nothing you might share from that long ago, and precious little you might share from your life now, could possibly hurt you in the real world.

And I assure you that anything you share will only increase your value to me, and to anyone who is likely to encounter you via my journal.

Oh, and you may want to edit your comment on my post to actually include a link to this post. The link URL would be http://www.livejournal.com/users/participant/4473.html, which you can derive for yourself by clicking the "comment on this" link on a post, and then stripping off the "?mode=reply" on the end of it.